Now That I Lost You
by CSI-missy
Summary: Peter deals with the loss of the person he cares about the most. Major Spoilers Powerless Petrellicest. One Shot


**disclaimer: unowned by me...**

**a/n: first of all, this is heavy on spoilers for Ep 11 (Powerless, I believe) so if you haven't seen, you have been warned. **

**contains (obviously) character death and total peter angst. also, themes of petrellicest that are more than subtle. Don't like? Walk away now.

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He's felt pain before; the mind numbing pain of being shot, of times when should've died, but nothing compares to the pain he feels now.

It shouldn't hurt this much, and in such a way that his invincible body can't heal, can't fix, can't mend.

He's lost the most important thing in his life; the one thing that brought back all his memories, all his feelings, and his entire life.

When Mom said he'd die, when she said he would loose the man that had stood by him through everything, he never thought it would be like this.

The feeling of his heart physically breaking into tiny shards feels like the pain of being whipped to death, though he's never felt that pain, he can only imagine.

He tries to fight back the tears, appear strong and unafraid, but the hole in his life makes him weak to the pain.

He cries; tears streaming down his face like waterfalls, and for once in his entire life there is nobody there to hold him close and tell him it will be alright.

That was his job, and nobody can take the place of the brilliant older man who took his little brother's hand and held him when things went wrong.

The dazzling smile that lit up his world and the brilliant eyes that watched over him, protecting him and caring for him like nobody else did.

He wishes that he could die as well, so that he wouldn't have to feel this terrible pain; the gnawing ache in his shattered heart.

He wishes that if he drew a blade across his wrist, as he had in the past, that the wounds wouldn't heal and he wouldn't be left alive.

Why was it that he one time he truly wanted to die he couldn't, and the only pain he needed to heal was the one that his power couldn't fix?

He closes his eyes and he can feel his brother's lips on his skin; dancing across his neck from the hundreds of kisses the older man has left there.

He can hear the man's voice, echoing through his empty mind, the lost 'I love you's whispering through the silence of his home.

He can smell the unyielding power that radiated from his brother's form; if power has a scent; it was the smell of his brother's cologne.

Emotions he has long since put to rest flood back to him, and in each he finds sanctuary from the brutal truth that the man that he loved is gone and not coming back.

Anger courses through his veins; at the betrayal he'd suffered more than once at the hands of his lover.

Sadness; formed by empathy for all that they'd lost, all that his brother had lost in these last months, and by the knowledge that he wasn't there when he was needed most.

Betrayal flooded him like water through a broken dam as he prayed with all his broken heart that he could hear his rough voice once more.

Why did it have to hurt so much, and why did they have to take the only thing that could've made it hurt less?

Guilt weighed down on him, and he wished that the monsters that had stolen his love had killed him instead.

Why couldn't he go back and save the man he loved; keep them from ever feeling this pain again?

Questions race through his mind, appearing long enough to send new stings of pain through his nerve centre before they disappeared again into the abyss that was his life.

Peter Petrelli leaned against the wall, knees pulled tight to his chest, face buried in his hands, crying.

Nathan was gone and was not coming back; the one person, who could save him, was the reason for his pain.

Sobs racked his body and he choked on the gasps of air that tried so desperately to fill his lungs.

On his cheek he felt the ghostly feel of a person's hand, and in the numbness of his mind he could almost hear his brother's voice.

"Hold on to me, Pete, and I will never leave you; not even death can take me away from you, because I love you, Pete, with all my heart."

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End: One Shot, R&R, no flames please. 


End file.
